What creates pain is not the cheating!
It us the fact that your innocent perception of her doesn't match what she did!
This is why you might repeat to yourself and to her "You are a whore!"
You do that to force yourself in a bew reality where cheating and responding to her sexual desire no matter what are part of her nature.
The moment she says "Yes! I am a whore! I love sex!", your whole internal conflict starts dissolving and you enter in a new reality!
Your wife's shadow is now revealed to you!
You now know exactly what you are dealing with.