Of course you can be real!
Of course you can show it here and there!
Simply not all the time!
Be strong at 90% and vulnerable at 10%.
What does that mean?
That if you are vulnerable all the time, processing, weak, super sensitive, people usually get turned off by that.
If you don't know how to alternate power and vulnerability and are trapped in sensitive patterns that makes you appear quite dysfunctional.
In a relationship for instance, the ideal is to be at 80-100% in the good, strong, harmonious and stable and 0-20% in the challenge.
A bit of challenge is ok!
Expressing some vulnerability here and there is fine.
But if all you hear from your partner is ongoing sensitive sharing, that quickly burns your relationship.
If you are processing all the time, that's a drain.
I think the limit between ok and not ok is right at 50%
More than 50% challenge and you might break up.
20-50% challenge and 80-50% harmony?
That usually brings at least some resentment and the strong urge to improve!
Ingoing voicing of your vulnerability and processing sounds like broken record.
Express vulnerability here and there if you want or need to but don't get stacked in that pattern!
The same goes when you are by yourself!
You don't have to suppress your vulnerabilities!
But you need to be masterful at playing with power as well!
Emotional vulnerability can be sexy!
If a woman sees a man taking care of a puppy, being touched, melting, that tells her he cares and is touched by life!
She can see how he will behave if they have kids together.
That gives her comfort and security.
It tells her he has essential aspects of a good dad.
If qualifies him as a potential life partner.
If a man shows no vulnerability ever, that's interpreted as being non sensitive.
It can feel a bit threatening.
The key is to be able to play with all the different facets of emotional responses.
Hiding the fact that you are hurt creates a truth gap.
You can voice it and release it.
You can as well see it and decide to suppress it or release it differently than by voicing it.
The first step is awareness!
The second step is masterful play with these various qualities and emotional flavors.